Teaching Our Teens to Swim in Turbulent Waters: so we Don’t Have to be Their Life Preserver

By Andrea Young on December 1, 2021

We were so fortunate to have Pamela Willsey back to talk to us about communicating and connecting with our teens. As always, Pam’s events are some of our most popular. Teens are under immense pressure and stress. Unfortunately, the pandemic only has added to that. They need guidance to help get them through the turbulent waters of some of the most important years of their lives. Pam discussed some helpful tools that parents can use to help guide their children to become self-confident and independent young adults.

Build trust

Although it’s hard to let go, teens need independence, and you need to be able to trust them. Try not to over-parent or bombard them with questions. If they sense you don’t trust them it will only cause them to lie and/or hide things. Let them take charge of a situation and assure them that if they need you, you will be there.

Fear of failure

When our children are little, they look to us to protect them, but fear can also hold us back from trying something new. Although something your teen wants to do might worry you, try not to let your fears or concerns deter them. Remove your past experiences from the equation. The fear of failure can be limiting and put the focus on prevention and not the achievement. Try to get out of your comfort zone and show that you trust they can do it on their own.

Be supportive

Adolescent brains aren’t fully developed which is why when you get into an argument with your teen about something minor, they might get extremely upset. Teens tend to misinterpret communication and feel like they are always being judged. Sometimes it just takes a little understanding, focus, and reflective parenting. And in most cases, all they need is assurance that you are here if they need you.

Things to Consider

1. Celebrate small wins– Even when they clean their room without having to be asked, acknowledge it.
2. Don’t trap them in the car– Sometimes kids need to decompress. Try not to pepper them with questions about their day when they are cornered.
3. Offer help– Don’t push them to share if they seem to be upset. Instead, ask them if there is anything you can do to help.
4. Don’t problem solve– your job is to help guide them to work through it on their own.

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